Almost
by live2rite
Summary: Maura is ignoring Jane after the visit to the graveyard and she's having nightmares.


A.N. So this was inspired by Taylor Swift's I Almost Do and it's set between the end of the first ep of season three and the second ep. I hope you like it and it keeps you entertained until Monday when I post the next chapter of The Breathings of Your Heart.

Almost

Maura woke up suddenly, sweat dripping down her back as she gasped for breath. The dream was not a new dream, in fact she had been having the same one every night since Jane had shot Doyle but it still unnerved her. She swung her legs over the edge of the bed and rested her head in her hands, leaning against her knees.

Ever since Jane had taken her to the cemetery she had gone into work only to do paperwork. Pike had gone out on all the new cases over the last twelve days and she had sat at her desk. Jane had tried to talk to her a few times but after Maura had blanked her beyond providing information in relation the cases she was working, Jane had given up face to face contact. She now kept her communication to text messages and the voicemails.

Maura was guaranteed to get text messages asking her to breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday not to mention coffee breaks. Every one she ignored. She was also got text messages telling her of random funny things throughout the day. This was standard practice for them but more often than not she had to get Jane to explain what was funny. Recently she found herself confused by these instead of replying and asking Jane what was funny.

The voicemails she usually got in the evening. They described her day and what was going on with her family, they always ended with Jane telling her she loved her and she missed her. She glanced at her cell phone now and realised that she had another message. She hesitated. The dream was still weighing on her mind and she wasn't sure she could take listening to Jane's voice right now. She picked her phone up and walked downstairs to the kitchen. It wasn't often that she used alcohol to numb her feelings but she felt the urge tonight. She pulled out one of her favourite pinot noirs and poured herself a generous glass. She sighed as she had a sip and walked back upstairs to her small sitting room at the landing. If she was honest with herself, the real reason she had purchased this particular house was the incredible view she was now looking at. There were nights, mainly when Jane wasn't there and therefore they were watching the TV, that she sat here with a book or a report that needed writing and just watched the city roll past as she did. She sat in her chair with her wine and phone and saw the clouds rolling in. Earlier today the weather reports had said there was a high chance of a storm tonight but she had dismissed this as she was heading to bed due to there hardly being a cloud in sight. Now she had to admit they might know what they are talking about after all.

As she sat there she couldn't help but dwell on her dream. They were all the same. She was stood at the grave of 'Maura Doyle', staring at the tombstone. Jane would then be in front of her, cupping her face in her hands and pleading with her. She could never hear the words and she didn't reply until Jane dropped her head and her hands and nodded dejectedly before walking away. Maura wanted to call after her but just as she was about to, something told her not to. At that point she always woke up.

She took another sip of wine and glanced at her phone. The alert for the new voicemail was taunting her. She hesitated before pressing play.

_"I ... I wish I could tell you whatever it is that you want to hear but every time I see you or try to talk to you ... well it doesn't go too good. I know you hate me and I guess I'll have to get used to that but I will not let you be alone. I know you'll get a new best friend and you won't even need me but I will always be here for you"_ There was a long pause. _"I miss you and I love you." _Another pause. _"Goodbye Maur."_

There was something in Jane's voice that made her want to pick up the phone and call Jane even more than all the other times that she had almost done so and hadn't. Every time she wanted so badly to hear Jane's voice, to hear Jane tell her it didn't matter, that they were still friends. _Best _friends. Every time she almost called Jane, every time she looked at the phone she knew Jane would never know exactly how close she came to calling her.

In a sudden fit of temper she threw her phone against the wall. It made a satisfying crunch and then fell to the floor. For all of five seconds she felt better until she realised that all her messages from Jane were on that phone. She jumped up and picked her phone up. She screen was broken but as she pressed a button the screen came into life and she quickly went to her saved voicemails and listened again to Jane's message.

The message length hadn't changed and a minute or so later she stood and sighed as she again glanced at the view of Boston. Tomorrow she was back on call again. She was going to have to be angry and even vindictive against Jane if she were to push her away. She couldn't take another goodbye if they were to have another situation in the future so she wouldn't put herself in the place where they might have disagreements. Work only was going to be the only way that she could keep herself from feeling this again.

She walked back to her bed and ten minutes later she was lay staring at the ceiling. She had almost called Jane several times in the last twelve days. She had almost let Jane back into her life ... almost.


End file.
